back to school (sort of)

[sergebroom]

Yesterday was like being back to school. It was a day off, but I wound up spending a good chunk of it on some online training that my boss had registered me for a few weeks ago. After quite a few instances of managerial breath falling upon my neck, it's only last week that my work load had decreased enough that I was able to start the class. I was done on Friday, but I still had to have my knowledge assessed. In other words, a test, which I decided to do yesterday, even though it left my stomach in knots most of the morning while I took care of some yardwork, and me highly trepidating while I reviewed my notes for two hours. I then started the assessment and, as I went thru the various questions for the next 3 hours, I gained some confidence and thought there was a chance I'd pass.

I did, with a score of 89%.

This had been just like my high-school days. I'd get anxious as a test's day would approach, and extremely so on the day itself. After the test, I'd find I had gotten high grades. Then the next test would come along and I'd get anxious all over again.

Hopefully, I'm now enough of a grownup to point to myself that past experience indicates I'll do fine. I certainly hope so because, after that assessment, I realized that this was but the first of a 4-part class.

Comments

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Not bad. I understand the anxiety. I feel it myself every time I stand in front of a classroom.

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

You still do, after all these years?

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely. I'm terrified they'll find out I don't really know anything.

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

I had a high school classmate who swore after every exam that she was sure she'd failed it. Every one of them.

She was the salutatorian only because some mathematical genius was the valedictorian.

Old habits die hard, and your test anxiety is deeply ingrained. My partner does that too, and she knows she doesn't have to be nervous. I only wish our son would get a little more nervous about exams just so he'd start studying for them instead of trying to hide from them.

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

That's fascinating. You've been teaching for a number of years and you still think these thoughts? Perhaps it's a version of stage fright. How do you overcome it each day?

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

I rely on my props. My preparation, my lesson plan (these days my PowerPoint). And I hope no one will ask the question that will unmask me as an impostor.

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

Ah -- "plan for the worst and hope for the best", eh? ;-)

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Exactly. So far, it seems to have worked. Nobody's penetrated the veneer yet.

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

Old habits die hard

Hopefully they will die before I do.

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

As my relatives might have said, "From your lips to God's ear!". And then my other relatives would have said, "Keynahora!".

And then I'd have said "Gesundheit!"

Seriously, it's a daily grind of reminding oneself that it isn't worth panicking about or blaming oneself about. I've got my own old habits that I have to fiercely resist, like flames clearing out debris.

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

Until they find the plywood under the veneer, you'll keep plying your craft, eh? Fragano, you're silly. I'm sure that you know your stuff, but do you know that you know?

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

I'd have said "Gesundheit!"
And I'd have said "A vos souhaits!"

That being said, yes, it can be rather tiring carrying stupid baggage that's not true anymore, if it ever was true. Well, my best wishes to you, and if you won't use flames to clear out debris, what with the smoke detectors, you can always use a mental leafblower.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

I frequently wonder. Especially every time I read an academic journal. There is just so much to know.

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

One way to happiness for me has been to remind myself that, no matter how much I strive, there is going to be someone who is smarter and/or stronger and/or better-looking. That doesn't mean I don't try to do the best I can.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

One has to do the best one can. That's the truth.