Mar. 6th, 2006

sergebroom: (Default)
Actually, my weight-loss program doesn't really involve a war against Nature. I prefer to think of it as a landscaping project.

Right outside the garage door, there's a wedge of land about 10x15 that splits the front-yard into two sections. What with the soil being barely deserving of that name, the only thing that has ever grown well on that island are weeds and a cholla cactus, a monstrosity about six feet tall and equally wide. The whole thing looked rather crummy because of the cactus - have you ever tried pulling weeds from between a cholla's branches without your hands turning into pin-cushions? Besides, when it comes down to it, I just didn't like the darn thing.

So, what with the New Mexico weather having become quite balmy, I spent almost four hours on Satuday cautiously cutting the cactus down to pieces, enough to fill up our big garbage can, and about ten big bags, the latter of which I took to the local dump. The cactus's stump remained, and a rather scrawny Russian sage and two chamisas, but already the island looked better. I should mention that the 'war' against Nature started badly for me, with one cactus branch escaping my pliers's grip and planting a few spines into my left hand. (See above, re pin-cushions.) By the end of the day, I decided that maybe I should remove some of the annoying bits still under my skin. ("Oooooh... Serge is so tough...") That went well, except that the surgery caused my knuckle to swell a bit. Were Nature and her decapitated cactus going to have the last laugh?

Luckily the swelling was gone by Sunday morning so it was back to work. It took over two hours to dig out the cactus's stump and the other plants, but eventually I was done levelling the dirt. I was tired, but it was a good kind of tired. My wife Sue then said something that made me realize I had not fully considered what Phase Two entailed: I had planned to simply dig a hole in the middle of things, where the new plants would go, and to fill it up with topsoil. Nope. I'll have to remove close to the island's top twelve inches of dirt and wheelbarrow it all up the hill that makes up our backyard, where it'll be used for some more landscaping up there. That should add up to half a ton of dirt.

This is going to be a sure-fire way to lose weight.