sergebroom | "Christine Chapel's Drinking Song"

"Christine Chapel's Drinking Song"
by Abi Sutherland

Andorans, they say, are easy...
But rarely are they true.
Antennae turn me off as do
Andoran shades of blue.

Though being with a Tellarite
Is thrilling, goodness knows,
I find them argumentative
(And I can't stand the nose!)

And Deltans are the sexiest,
And always want to share.
Perhaps I'd love one if he had
A little bit of hair.

They say Orion women
Are randy now and then (!)
They may seem quite insatiable,
But you should try their men!

Though some are into tribble-sex,
And claim it's loads of fun,
I've never been polygamous,
And can't find only one.

For all those into S&M
The Klingons are the best,
With whips and chains and leather gear
And scales on the chest.

Though Romulans have the eyebrows,
And even pointed ears,
Sex isn't worth it when done more
Than once in seven years.

Although I've sampled all the men
And listened to the talk,
I cannot find an alien
Sexier than Spock.

But how to get that half-Vulcan?
It's really quite a mess.
Since Vulcans don't drink alcohol,
I'll feed him LDS!